A word to my son (Ok, 600 or so words...)

Dear Holden,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you. I know we spend a fair amount of time together each day; and that we have such an amazing connection (no I’m not talking about your umbilical chord, but that works too)… but I wanted to take a moment and share a few things that have been on my mind lately -- since you really could be here any day. Super exciting!

We’re past the 37-week mark: you’re scheduled to be here in less than three weeks. I can feel my “ute’ practicing for the big show; and I can also feel you running out of room inside me. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between what I think is a practice contraction and you changing positions/sticking a foot somewhere.

People tell me that it will get easier to breathe when you “drop.” I’m pretty sure with even just 2 ½ weeks left, this still hasn’t happened…but maybe today? Maybe tomorrow?

You’re coming into such a cool support system. I feel like people (even outside your family) are genuinely excited about meeting you.

The consensus is that most parents feels unprepared and overwhelmed… and we’re no exception, but I can’t imagine two people that could love you more than your father and me. It’s like you were hand picked to be with us.

You’re good for me. I’m hoping I’m the same for you.

I think it’s tender how you move when I cry…almost to say, “Mom, it’s ok, be happy.” And when I get a full belly laugh, I feel like you want to join into the excitement too – almost like you’re reminding me “hey, I’m laughing on the inside—literally.” You always clam down when your father touches my belly; and drinking orange-juice is like shooting an amphetamine right in your blood stream (you go wild inside!)

I think I like this phase of pregnancy the best – even though it’s hard to breath, and there’s plenty of “hurdles” with every day tasks (like using the bathroom, slamming doors on my belly because I don’t realize how big it is, bending over, tying my shoes, and just not having the energy that I’d like to get “my list” checked off)… but it’s so amazing to feel one’s body preparing for a miracle. I’m more at ease with how full-figured I am (yeah, this is not being “big boned”), people don’t just wonder if I’m fat – it’s pretty obvious I’m preggers and about ready to pop… And the excitement of your arrival being so close overtakes the other parts.

People keep saying things like:
“Are you miserable?”
“Are you just ‘sooo-done’?”
“Are you ready to get that baby out of there?”

And surprisingly, I’m not. I mean, sure darling: I want you here as soon as you’re ready (and definitely before the 41-week mark so we don’t have to induced). And yes, it’s hard looking and feeling like a walrus (although your father so fondly pointed out the other night that I do 'lack tusks,' so we’re not entirely similar in appearance – getting rid of the mexi-stash helps too). . . But I’m not going to commiserate about the last few weeks. Unlike most people at this phase, I still get to sleep through most of the night (minus a quick potty-break around 3 am) and despite what my care-givers and numerous of those baby books have said, I’m still sporting stilettos (I think it helps me not to waddle) for church and special occasions so all is not lost. ;)

See you soon… and like I said, “dropping” would be a good project for you this week, ok love?

Mom