Wednesday, December 17, 2008

5th Day of Christmas -- The Saga Continues

On the 5th day of Christmas the universe gave to me,
A sty from not seeing things clearly…

Seriously, I have a sty in my right eye… it could be from wearing fake eyelashes for two days in a row in an attempt to look hot (yes, I’m obviously overcompensating for my Santa Claus sized mid-section)… but I’m more apt to think it’s caused by something psychological (which is usually my first inclination when anything ails me physically.)

So of course I consulted my Louise L. Hay “You Can Heal Your Life Book,” which I think is pretty much the self-help new age equivalent to Gray’s Anatomy (“Henry Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body,” not so much the TV series with Patrick "Mc.Dreamy" Dempsy.)

It said that eyes represent “the capacity to see clearly – past, present, and future.” And sties and eye problems are “not liking what you see in your own life” or more specifically “looking at life through angry eyes” or being “angry at someone.”

ARGGHHHH!!!!

Who knew I had so much anger in my life?!?!? It’s obviously that, because I think I actually really LIKE my life… and I think I have a pretty cool gig right now. But I can see that there maybe some frustrations with a few people in my life that are causing me to look like an ogre (aka “the sty.”)

Fortunately, Ms. Hay does not leave us to venture into the world without some advice for action… her’s comes in the variety of positive thinking. So here are my new affirmations (you can even recite them in the voice of Stuart Smalley if you so desire):
  • I choose to see everyone and everything with joy and love.
  • I see with love and joy.
  • I now create a life I love to look at.
Don’t you feel warm and fuzzy already?

On a separate but similar note, for our male readers having problems with impotence: Ms. Hay also believes the probable cause is any of the following-- sexual pressure, tension, guilt; social beliefs; spite against a previous mate; fear of mother. Try this on for size (pun intended?):
  • I now allow the full power of my sexual principle to operate with ease and joy.
"Sexual principle"...Hmmm, so that’s what the kids are callin’ it these days?