Wednesday, October 24, 2007

1000 Words of Suite Spots (the Wed Chronicles)

It’s Wed night . . . I missed yoga for about the 7th day in a row because of sickness and my work schedule. I hit St. George yesterday and will be back on the road again on Friday . . . but let’s be honest, you don’t read this for my travel log. . .

(Hmm, why do you read this? Feel free to tell me and I’ll try to tailor my remarks for your amusement.)

So “Feist” is playing in the background of our downtown apartment. The living space is uncharacteristically clean for the (Suite-)Mangums. . . truth be told, it usually only looks like this when we’re entertaining. In fact, just last week Danny wanted me to explain why we only vacuum BEFORE the parties, when it’s really AFTER the party that the place needs a good once over.

Admittedly, I’m more concerned about “looking’ put together than actually being put together. (Which is apparent if you look at my purse . . . designer on the outside, a disaster on the inside). And let’s not even talk about the science experiments in my fridge, or the fact that my car hasn’t been cleaned since the summer . . . (I’ve still got decorations from the Church Luau form the summer.)

Oh well, life is a beautiful disaster and I am happy to be a part of it.

So back to the apartment – which, I am happy to report is not a disaster. Some of you may be thinking I am bragging about being a “real woman.” (Is that what “Sister Beck” from the last LDS General Conference referred to it as?) No, I wasn’t the home-maker . . . (you all know better than that!!!)

It was Monsieur Mangum . . . Danny friggin’ cleaned the pad today!!!! It was the best present ever . . . (well, may next to diamonds, but that’s not really a fair comparison is it?)

Hey ladies, have you ever thought about the difference between man’s best friend (a dog) and (diamonds) a girl’s best friend? Well, if you haven’t . . I think it’s pretty easy to point out which is the more refined of the two species. . .

So, my friend Becca Winegar nee’ Whipple, was telling me about how annoying she thinks bloggers that just ramble on about their perfect spouses and families and lives . . . and so in honor of her, I would like to take a moment and point out some things that she thinks SERIOUSLY need to be addressed.

They’re a little controversial . . . so read at your own risk. . . (In no particular order)

• Becca’s anti-secret. . . not to be confused with the deodorant that’s strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman. . . no, she’s anti – THE SECRET. You know? The book, the movie . . . think happy thoughts, the law of attraction, lose weight because you think THIN?!?! In fact, I get out of thinking about how much she loathes this book. Because I am a huge fan!!! I lost 5 lbs in one week on THE SECRET . . .just telling people I could eat whatever I want because I have a high metabolism . . . But then, much like weight watchers, I gave it up . . . and WHAM! The pounds packed back on like the freshman fifteen. . . (B. Wilde, this is not self-deprecation . . . just a fact).
• Point #2 in the Becca Winegar nee’ Whipple tirade. . . Becca is totally ANTI-Bumper sticker. . . here again we have to disagree, though my husband (and my old man) definitely side with her. They drive her crazy (not my old man and my husband, bumper stickers). But man, back in the day [college] when I drove a white 1995 Subaru Impreza (as opposed to my 2005 silver subie hatchback currently in tote). . . well, my car was covered in them. Some of the highlights: “Women make great leaders – You’re following one” and “I think, therefore I don’t listen to Rush” and “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people” and “Free Tibet.” I think I also had a “Sierra Club” sticker at one time when I was sending them money, and an EarX-tacy [www.earxtacy.com] sticker to boot. That reminds me . . . I bought a “namaste” sticker at Golden Braid Books and Oasis Café last month. . . I ought to Christen the new Subie. (Becca, don’t hate me).
• Point #3 is actually where Becca and I find common ground. Although, my husband and his family might be a bit offended by my words. . . but mind you, these are not my words. . . but Becca’s. And so how can you hold me responsible for her thoughts and feelings? Don’t kill the messenger. . . and I quote: “Dogs are not humans.” She then followed this little ditty with advice that they are not to be dressed up, or to expect the rest of the world to have the same sentiments for your puppies that you have. (Brandi Honey doesn’t think puppies are cute either, and I am telling you, this woman is an excellent judge of character. She knew all of my terrible x-boyfriends were losers long before I figured it out.) Anyway, love your dogs. . . that’s fine. Just please don’t expect me to love them with the vigor and intensity that you do. I think they’re smelly, have bad breath and leave hair everywhere . . . it’s really in your best interest NOT to consider them as humans. . . because who wants a friend with halitosis and a body odor problem? And as much as Danny gets annoyed with my “locks of love” decorating the bathroom floor, I can’t imagine fido’s tresses being much more welcome. ;) In defense of my canine loving friends, I do understand that they are part of “your” family…
• Becca is also anti-txt. I am going to save my feelings on that bit for a “Best of Column.” I was dating a guy who thought txting was an adequate form of communication. . . the story that resulted was, well . . . you’ll just have to check it out down the road. . . ☺

Good night my pretties. It’s time to watch Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. (Hmmmm, re-run. . . never mind),
Anyway, thanks for hanging in there . . . this was a long post. . . we made it through. And now it is time for me to go to bed, in my clean house . . .

PS. I’m flying solo tonight because Danny’s “out with the Boys” which I completely encourage. He’s getting a bit of exercise which I think is great; I like a man who isn’t afraid to sweat. ☺

3 comments:

Becca Jean said...

Winegar nee' Whipple. It sounds like a porn star. Try saying it five times quickly. I love the blog. Why would I start my own when you can articulate my feelings so beautifully on yours? I am honored. You are fabulous.

Marie said...

Dear Pet Owners:

"You can love your pet, but don't love your pet"

Guess the movie quote!!

Love the rantings from both of you. Not that I didn't get to hear all of these in person, but they are fun to reflect on from here.

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